I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
