sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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