when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize