he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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