you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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