just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
