And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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