absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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