O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
