Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
