i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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