The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
