I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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