My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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