Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
