Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
