I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
