I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
