guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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