I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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