I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
