Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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