i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
