There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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