I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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