You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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