yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
