Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
