Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
