you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
