My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
