I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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