youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
