So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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