So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
