When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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