guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
