Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
