can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
