I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
