:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
