i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize