Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
