Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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