i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize