I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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