Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
