Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
