god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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