Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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