I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
