I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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