he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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