My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
