drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize