I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
