I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
