I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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