Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
