God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
