so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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