I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
