Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
