CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
