The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
