Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize