he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
