so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize