just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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