If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
