i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
