She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
