i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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