I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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